Separated Heart
by bcfictionalboysarebetter
Summary: "You don't have this pain inside of you, none of you have this pain that literally ripped your heart in two. I don't even know who I am without him. How do I detach myself and become my own person when for 21 years my entire identity was connected to someone else? How do I keep going when Fred is gone?"


Is it possible to feel nothings at all? To have an absolutely fearless drive that you can't even think about what you're doing to yourself? You can't feel anything, cant see yourself almost being hit by the green light of the killing curse. Now, nothing seems to matter. Why should I care to live when the only person I could never imagine my life without is gone?

Very faintly, I see Lee to my left, apparently making sure I don't get myself killed. However, all I see is my want flying curses left and right towards the Death Eaters. The masked man in front of me throws the Cruciatus curse right at me as a doge to the right, the curse hitting me in my arm. Yet I felt only the tiniest bit of pain as if protected by a shield charm of someone else's conjuring.

The Death Eater in front of me barely pauses before throwing another curse, but this time I'm quick enough to shield myself and throw a jinx right back at him and he collapses, unable all of the sudden to use his legs.

"Stupify," I yell, throwing the spell at him, sending him instantly into unconsciousness. From there I run as fast as my body can given the circumstances. Not really seeing or processing anything. Its as if you're watching someone else's life through a screen. You feel connect to them and their thoughts and actions, yet they are separate from you, you're never actually able to become them, no matter how much you may wish to.

I don't remember anything past that, when I stunned the Death Eater, and then ran. But its probably best I didn't. There a lots of things from that night that I wish I didn't remember, the feelings I had in particular, the feeling of loneliness for the first time in my life. Of not having another person to constantly think about and be worried about 24/7 because you were connected and entirely in tune with one another no matter what.

Yes. I believe that's the one thing I wish I could forget. I still do, every day of my life.

I wish I could forget that I lost half of who I was and who made me George. But Angelina always reminds me that the George I was then, before my brother passed, and the George I am now are the same person physically, but are two different people inside. The George of the past and the George of the present.

I still have yet to figure out which one is truly me, maybe one or the other, or maybe both. The one with Fred or the one with Angelina

* * *

Four days after the Battle of Hogwarts, Mum and Dad decided for everyone that traveling back to the Burrow is best for everyone.

Mum and Dad have obviously discussed the arrangements for the funeral, but they haven't approached me or any of the other family. Maybe they believe it will set us off (particularly me) or its just too difficult to talk about. I would probably bet both. None of us ever want to bring up the subject in any way shape or form so they don't even mention him, as if he never existed in the first place. Somehow that just made me more upset, more out of control and livid. It's like he was never even there, yet a few days ago, he was as real and alive as anyone, probably the most alive and free person that anyone would encounter. Yet they acted like it was all fake, like the last 21 years were a dream.

"STOP!" I shouted suddenly. "Stop acting like he never existed. He was the most important person in the world to me. I believed that I would spend my entire life with Fred right next to me that would both become old and grey and become grandparents, side by side by side by side. I never even thought about the possibility that I would be living on my own or that the other part of me would suddenly disappear from my life."

Bill and Rom both stood stock still across from him, staring at him as though hey had never seen him speak before and he had a high-pitched voice like a tiny mouse speaking into a speaker.

Hermione, Ginny, Harry and Percy all were trying to avoid his gaze like a person that had just said something dreadfully embarrassing and didn't want to draw attention to them. He realized that he probably sounded hysterical but at this point it didn't matter. He didn't have any self-control left to keep it in anymore. Nothing seemed to matter when everything hurt too much to think clearly.

"You don't have this pain inside of you, none of you have this pain that literally ripped your heart in two. I don't even know who I am without him. How do I detach myself and become my own person when for 21 years my entire identity was connected to someone else? How do I keep going _when Fred is gone_?"

I was sobbing now and I clasped onto the floor. My heart felt as though someone was standing over me, squeezing it into dust. Black patches of darkness hovered over my eyelids and I couldn't move.

Bill was the first person to rush to my side and he grabbed me, cradled me like I was still that little boy who had nightmares at night and would go into his room for comfort. He kept whispering to me in a tender voice, saying, "I'm sorry Georgie. I'm so sorry. It's not fair that he's gone. It's not fair that he was taken from you. I'm so sorry."

When I was little, Bill was the one that always comforted the younger children whenever they were in pain. His kindness seemed to be a permanent characteristic even when Fred and himself first were learning their mischief ways and played pranks on all the other siblings, particularly, Bill and Ron. However, Bill never seemed to mind the pranks and was always interested to know what we were working on. Bill has a wonderful gentleness about him that went hand in hand with his courageous heart, which is probably why Fleur is so smitten with him.

Suddenly I noticed that Hermione, Harry, Ron, Ginny and Percy had surrounded Bill and me. Ginny slowly ran her hand up my back, tears silently running down her face. He looked at his sister, conveying to her what he couldn't say out loud.

Hermione sat quietly next to Ginny, Ron directly behind her with Hermione's head resting on his shoulder. _Did I miss something between these two in the last few days?_ I think to myself. Ron looks at her for a moment and smiles, almost as though he's thanking her for being there with him. She meets his eyes and gives him a teary smile back.

Harry, however, sat to the left of Ron, looking a little uncomfortable, yet he kept glancing at Ginny to make sure she was okay. I looked at both Ron and Harry, realizing how grown up they had become. I met Ron's eyes for a moment and he slowly reached his hand out to give my shoulder a gentle squeeze. Harry gently reaches out also to touch my arm as if to say, "It's okay to cry and to miss them. I know exactly how it feels." Its extraordinary what one touch could convey, just the simplest of comforts. He meets Harry's eyes and thanks him with a nod of understanding

Hermione and Harry may not truly be family, but they have been apart of the family for seven years and even though Fred wasn't blood, they loved him just as much as any of the red headed children, the tears running down their faces eminent of that.

Percy, however, sat directly in front of Bill and me, looking more uncomfortable then Harry, as though he believed he did not belong with the rest of them. There was pain in his eyes, along with unshed tears. I believed that Percy blamed himself in a way, for not being with the rest of us for so long and not spending enough time with Fred before he died. Yet I know that Percy could never had predicted what had happened to Fred. Life was unpredictable and changed at a moments notice. Things change and life doesn't stop for anybody.

"Perce," I scratched out. "Percy come here. Please Percy." Percy slowly stands and walks to where Bill and I sit.

"He loved you Perce. No matter what you did. He loved you. Don't forget that okay? Please." Percy's unshed tears finally let loose and slowly ran down his face. I reached over and grabbed him in an embrace.

"I just can't believe he's gone. I just can't believe Fred is gone," he choked out.

"Shh…." I whispered back. "I know Perce. I know."


End file.
